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Wedding Part Deux

Three years ago , I said that though my brother's wedding was fun, it was so draining I had no desire to do anything like it ever again. Of course, I didn't really think I would ever have the chance, since I only have one brother, nevertheless I guess it's true when they say that you don't really miss something until it's gone.

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In a crazy coincidence, I was in the middle of reading Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point right before my week-long trip to New York for my wife's cousin's wedding. (By the way, if you have even a passing interest in pop culture, social science and/or business, which should cover pretty much everybody, you must read this book). I say it was a coincidence not only because Gladwell devotes an entire chapter to the New York Subway system (as an application of the Broken Windows theory ), but also because of the section on channel capacity.

Channel capacity is a concept regarding the limits our brains have for certain kinds of information. The average human can only remember certain things, like numbers, up to a limit (the book cites studies that claim the number limit is around 7, hence the reason for seven-digit phone numbers, I would argue that it's higher given the prevalence of cell phones and the need to remember ten digits, as well as the nine digit social security numbers most people have memorized) and after that we begin to overload. Gladwell goes on to talk about evolutionary biologists who have extended this concept to a social channel capacity, meaning there is a limit to how many people we can relate to and care about before we feel overwhelmed (for an excerpt click here .)

This is a long-winded way of saying that reading about a scientific study on social limits on my way to spend a week with my wife's extended family was highly ironic. Marriage instantaneously tests your social channel capacity. You sign the papers and put on the ring, and all of a sudden you've got twice as many (or more) people to keep up with and spend time and energy on. This is especially challenging for someone like me who is already a little antisocial and painfully shy around new people. It doesn't help that we live allllll the way over on the other coast, and that this was the first opportunity I had to spend quality time with my wife's family since my wedding a year and a half ago. I figured I was in for quite the learning experience.

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I was starting almost from scratch. When a very overwhelmed Damon asked me how I managed to remember everyone's name and relationship, I confessed that before I arrived for the week, I didn't. Whenever my wife would talk about them, I would just smile and nod. Sure, I knew most of the adult aunts and uncles (because I'm a suck-up like that), but for the kids, I had only a vague idea of who they were.

(This also made looking at my own wedding pictures an adventure as all the previously unfamiliar faces now have much more meaning. For example, there's a picture of Nausheen bringing the rusmat tray to the stage at our wedding, and not only do I not recall this event at all, two weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you who she was. Sounds mean, I know, but that's the way it goes when you fall in love , get married and jet off to Cali all within a couple of months. Hopefully I made up for it by being so damn charming. Seriously, if anything, I'm now all the more appreciative of the opportunity I had to get to know everyone.)

Although there were a few awkward moments, it was nothing a few hours of dance practice (that's right, your boy got busy with the dandias, see below, and for the record, I still can't get any of those songs out of my head) and a couple of trips to Home Depot couldn't fix. I tried to make the most of my week, and hopefully next time there will be less running around more kickin it. And I'll make damn sure my wife and I don't wear matching clothes.

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There are few family bonding experiences as intense as weddings. On the one hand, it's a stressful, crazy-making, sleep-deprived powder keg. The smallest of slights can set people off, while everyone else is just trying to keep their heads above water. It's seemingly not the best situation to step in as the New Guy. On the other hand, you're doing essentially fun things, (dancing, decorating, dressing up, etc.) with the people you love the most, so there's plenty of laughs and good times to be had. By the time it's over the highs and lows serve only to bring people closer together. Weddings almost always end on a high note, everyone is there, after all, to celebrate the love and committment of two people, and there's a unique joy and satisfaction to seeing it all come together. For me, it was a whirlwind of Lal Dupattas, gold spray paint, eight-counts and Winshield Wipers, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

And since you've now plowed through my incoherent ramblings, I'll stop there and show you a few pictures.

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The Happy Couple, Mow apu and Brian

Some of the aforementioned kids

As promised, the dance practice picture, I may look confused, but trust me, I got it by showtime.

Bush and that printer got reaaal close.

She tricked me into wearing that shirt, I swear.

Me, my brother and Auni

Me and Tunki all dolled up and ready to go.

By popular demand, here is a picture of my wife and her little sister Tumpa, AKA "Wheels".

Posted by sheelpi at August 18, 2006 11:14 PM